If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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