ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
