My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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