Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
