If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
