So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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