i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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