i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
