So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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