Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
