Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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