I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i believe in u and ur pee
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
