Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We're too hungover to prance.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
