rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
