I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
