woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
