Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
