I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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