my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
