I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
