Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
