youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize