My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
