how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
