You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
