so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize