Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
