I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
