I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
