Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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