I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
