You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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