If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
