if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
