I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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