The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
