I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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