he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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