she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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