a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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