In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
