I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
