your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
