you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
