i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
