you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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