She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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