I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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