Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
