the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
