I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize