what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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