Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
