Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you inspire me to be a worse person
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
