how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
