My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
