I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
