He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize