i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
