I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
