Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
