four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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