Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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