So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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