My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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