I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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