just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
