she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
