You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
