some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
