I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
