We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
