I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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