I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize