don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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