The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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