I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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