I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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