no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
