As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
