remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
