I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
