So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day šš#pensacolaproblems
Donāt get me wrongāI love silver and braceletsābut handcuffs are not a good look on meā¦
Randomize
