She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
