we have pet lesbian snakes
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
