i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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