i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
