I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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