You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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