I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
