Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
