just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
