We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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