The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
